Home for Love (An Adult Contemporary Romance) Read online

  “Wait,” Bree interjected, tears escaping slowly. “I didn’t lose the baby Todd. I had our daughter, Amber. We’ve just moved to Devil’s Creek.”

  “What?” he asked, looking as though she sucker-punched him. “I don’t think I heard that correctly, Bree.”

  “I didn’t lose the baby.” She recoiled at his shock. She’d told herself to expect this, but nothing would have prepared her for the reality. “I’m sorry. I was young, I didn’t know what was going on with you, and then when I told my folks, they were furious. I didn’t know what to do, so I did what they asked me to do.” She drew in a breath. “They told me that we were moving to Columbus. My dad had been toying with the idea of accepting a job offer there and they saw it as the perfect opportunity for us to get away, for me to start fresh.” Bree wept openly, equally consumed by relief and guilt.

  “She must be over six years old then?” His voice was vibrating with contained anger.

  “Yes,” She nodded, barely audible

  “Then why the hell didn’t you tell me sooner?” he roared.

  Hunting for a tissue from her handbag, she continued, “I was a pregnant teenager, confused and relocating to another state. I got through things first a day at a time and then a month at a time. I was studying, taking care of her and working part-time, because I no longer lived with my parents. And, then the longer I kept it from you, the harder it was to tell you, because the more afraid I became of your reaction.” She rambled, barely taking a breath between words

  “Okay.” He interrupted her. “I get it. It was tough. But, you only have yourself to blame. Sure, I can understand that you kept it from me when I was going through a rough patch, but that didn’t last. I would have helped you; you didn’t need to go through it alone. In fact, it is my duty and my right to have helped take care of our daughter. Your grandparents must’ve told you that I’d cleaned up and was doing okay. ”

  “I’d heard that from them. You’re right, but my parents kept telling me differently. They said that you wouldn’t want to be bogged down with a child that you’d never wanted and reminded me of how you’d left after the funeral. I didn’t know what to do.” She was pleading for understanding now. “I’m sorry,” she reiterated, despite her knowing that it didn’t help. “I know it’s not a good enough reason, but I did what I thought was right for Amber at the time.”

  “Okay, just give me a moment. I can’t think right now.” He walked to the windows and looked out at the street at the back of the building. The Brown kids’ were snow-shoeing in the front yard, yelling at each other in excitement. Zack Brown was six. He knew that because he’d seen the party out on the front lawn the previous summer, a big helium balloon that had proudly displayed his age. Zack was his daughter’s age Amber’s age. It felt odd, alien. He had a daughter. Holy crap! Family was important to him and not knowing his daughter was a living nightmare! As much as he wanted to shake Bree, he had to focus on Amber.

  “Okay,” he repeated, returning to sit at the table again. “I want to be angry at you. I am angry at you. I’ve missed the first six years of my daughter’s life. I’ve missed your pregnancy, watching her grow inside you. I’ve missed doctor’s appointments and those scan things. I’ve missed birthdays and Christmases. I have a daughter who I don’t know and who doesn’t know me. Nothing can ever get that back for me or for her. That’s lost now.” It made him sick to think of it.

  “I know. I’m…” Bree began.

  He interrupted her apology, “No, you don’t know. You couldn’t know. You’ve stolen that from me. I can forgive you for not telling me straight away. I admit that I was a mess after my dad died. I can’t forgive the past few years when you’d heard that I was here and that I was okay. That is inexcusable.”

  “I would feel the same way if I were you.”

  The simple statement gave him pause. Raising his brows at that, he asked, “What made you change your mind?”

  “After my parents died in the crash, my grandparents came for the funeral and spoke to me about you. They’d tried to do so before, but my parents had always run interference. They made me realize that it wasn’t too late to tell you about Amber…” She broke off, breathed in and started again, “I also wanted to give Amber a home, family and the roots she’s begun to crave. I’ve told you because of Amber. Everything I’ve done since I left here has been for her. I know it wasn’t right, what I've done, but I did it only because I thought it was best for her. I thought I knew you and when you acted the way you did after your dad died, I felt as though I didn’t know you at all. It disillusioned me and I didn’t know what to believe about what I was hearing about you, so I carried on and tried to do what I thought was best for her. I did do my best for her.” Her voice held conviction now. “No matter what you think of me now, I can guarantee you that I raised our daughter well, with love, with care, and all that I am. I gave all of me the last few years to her and she’s wonderful because of it.”

  “The Bree I loved would have done that, so I can believe that you raised her well, but the Bree I knew would also not have kept this from me.” He tried to focus on reasoning and bank the hurt and anger. He needed to move forward. He needed to see his daughter, get to know her. “Okay, let’s focus on Amber. I guess she’s with your grandparents?” At her nod, he urged, “Tell me about her.”

  She spent the next half hour telling him more about Amber, seeing betrayal and hurt move towards pride and anticipation. “What do you want to do? She’s at the diner.”

  “I feel like racing across there and grabbing her. I need to meet her. But, I don’t want to do it in the diner and stir up gossip; that’ll make things harder for her. I’ll follow you to the farm. Does she know about me?”

  “Yes,” replied Bree. “She knows your name and what you look like from pictures we took together in high school. My parents thought I’d gotten rid of it all, but I kept them.”

  “How did you explain my absence?” Todd hated that his daughter might think he’d been as neglectful a father as his own had been. He couldn’t fight back the tears and mopped roughly at them while they slid down his cheeks.

  “At first I told her that Alaska was far away and that was why she didn’t get to see you and her great-grandparents. She’s a bright kid, though and I knew that when we moved back that the explanation wasn’t enough, so I gave her a child appropriate version of the events. She knows that I was scared to tell you because I wasn’t sure of what your reaction would be or what you’d be like after all these years. I’ve told her that I was wrong and more importantly, she knows that you didn’t know that she was around. I took the blame for it and rightly so.”

  She stopped and saw the remark he was about to make. “Yes. I know that it didn’t have to be that way. The fact is that now we are in this situation and as much as I can imagine that you hate me for what I did, we have a beautiful daughter and I want to do what’s best for her. I want us to work together to raise her. I’ve asked her and she wants to give it a try.”

  “I’m her dad. She shouldn’t have to give it a try,” Todd scoffed.

  “I imagine that it feels that way, but try to imagine what it feels like for her,” Bree interjected. “She’s just six, Todd. Even though I’ve lied to her and to you, she got over her initial anger at me because I’m her mother and I’m a good mother. I’ve worked very hard at it. So, it’s natural that she’d forgive me.” She looked him squarely in the eye now, ignoring the guilt coursing through her. “But, she doesn’t know you. That’s going to take time. Todd, I do blame myself for the current situation and I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you and confusion she’ll be going through. But, she’s smart and loved and she’ll cope if we handle this well.”

  Interpreting his nod as encouragement, she continued, “I’m not asking you to forgive me. I wouldn’t be callous enough to expect that, but I’m asking you to work with me.”

  “She’s my daughter and I want what’s best for her too.” His voice held a hint of ste
el. “I won’t,” he corrected “I can’t forgive you yet, but with my family background, you should know that I wouldn’t allow my feelings for you to impact my child.”

  “Thank you,” Bree whispered and got up to leave. “We arrived in Devil’s Peak just before I came over. I have to go and get Amber settled in at the farm. Tonight, when she’s asleep, we can work out the next steps?”

  “I can do that,” Todd nodded, sounding and acting far too civil for the emotions assaulting him. “I’ll get things sorted out here and meet you at the farm in an hour’s time.”

  Bree nodded, then turned around and walked towards the diner, ambivalent of her surroundings. She wasn’t worried about him meeting Amber. She’d meant what she’d said; her daughter was good, strong and had loved ones ready to support her. Bree walked in a daze, because she realized that she’d wronged the one man she’d loved in her life.

  Chapter 2

  Todd pulled his truck into the Ramsay Farm’s driveway. Daniel’s truck was in front of the house, indicating that they were all inside – including his unknown daughter. Taking a deep breath, Todd took a moment and looked around. If his daughter had inherited his love of the outdoors, she’d thrive on the farm. The farmhouse was a beautiful wooden, A-frame structure adorned with a multitude of windows, which overlooked four hundred and eighty acres of central Alaskan forest and farmland. Currently there was no visible view the long winter night had plunged everything into darkness and the only indication of light was the soft yellow glow coming from the windows and the outdoor lighting around the various farm buildings.

  The Ramsay family had been amongst the first non-Native people to come to this area along with the hundreds of prospectors during the gold rush. Unlike the rest of the fortune seeking pioneers, the Ramsay’s had come to farm. Daniel’s parents had bought the land, which had been nothing, more than virgin forest, from the government in the hopes that they could apply their knowledge of harsh Irish climates to successfully farm Alaskan ground. Ireland, however, had been insufficient preparation for the extremities and remoteness of Alaska and they’d had to supplement their income with the establishment of a roadhouse, servicing the prospectors in the gold rush while stubbornly working at farming. Daniel and Moira carried on the legacy and were a big part of both the Devil’s Peak farming community and the town at large. They had a nice operation, an eclectic mix of dairy and crop farming. Like most rural Alaskans, they subsidized their income with a variety of ventures. They also grew vegetables and kept a few chicken coops for eggs.

  Looking around, he spotted the well restored and maintained roadhouse that was now part of the historical tour of Devil’s Peak. Todd didn’t often get requests to include that in his tours, being mostly focused on adventures, but one or two slipped in now and again during the tourist season. The Ramsay’s also gave farm tours to school children to help create awareness of early agriculture in Alaska. It sure beat reading about it in books. That was how he’d first met Bree - a tour of the farm during Elementary school. They’d fast become friends and later began dating. The farm had often served as his sanctuary when he’d needed to get away from the troubles at home. This made the farm as familiar to him as his own home.

  Grabbing the big, oversized stuffed toy, he made his way to the front door. He’d made a quick stop at Suzy’s gift shop, deciding that he had a lot of birthdays to make up for and that he may as well start now. It was a moose that had a sweater with yellow and red writing announcing, “Welcome to Alaska." He’d also bought her a card and the act of signing it, “love Dad," had been a surreal experience.

  It hadn’t quite sunk in yet that he was a father. He studied his reflection in the car window and noted that nothing was different. He still looked the same, was the same and yet, everything had changed. If someone had told him this morning that he’d be visiting the Ramsay Farm to spend time with his daughter, he’d have thought that they were nuts. He didn’t doubt that she was his, though. Her age, Bree’s disappearance and the glimpse of her he’d caught as she had gotten into Daniel’s truck earlier had been enough to make all the pieces fall into place. After he’d seen Amber, he’d called his brother and sister, who’d both been more delighted than shocked. They had always loved Bree and there had been many uncomfortable arguments with them when she’d left as they pushed for him to go after her and he'd steadfastly refused.

  “Hi.” Bree called from the front porch. “Come on up.” The greeting left Todd feeling more unhinged – it was just too bizarre because the way she greeted him hit again and took him straight back to high school. It was odd, given their earlier conversation, though Todd acknowledged this by the too bright smile she displayed, that she was probably over-compensating for nervousness.

  “Thanks,” he dipped his head in greeting. “Are your grandparents around?”

  “Yep,” Bree replied. “Gran and I are just finishing up with the cooking so you’re just in time. Granddad and Amber have been tasked with setting the table.” She stopped in the arctic entry, meant to help keep the cold at bay, and waited for him to shed the layers he wore. She pointed at the stuffed toy, her anxiety betrayed by a slight tremor in her hand. “That is very sweet of you. She’ll like it. Thank you.”

  He shrugged dismissively. “I didn’t know what to get and went for the safe bet, I guess. Suzy’s questions about girly girl or active type threw me.”

  Lips curving, she let a laugh slip out, “She’s a bit of both, but this is just fine and very apt. Let’s go so you can give it to her. She’s as anxious to meet you as I’m sure, you are.”

  Feeling relieved that he’d gotten it right, he followed her into the dining room and was hit by an emotional lightning bolt. “She looks just like me,” he whispered in awe. His daughter giggled at her grandfather who was tickling her while she lay half-suspended over his shoulder. Amber was beautiful, the inheritance of his bone structure was softened a bit by an indescribable something that she must have gotten from her petite mother.

  Sensing his cautiousness, Bree took his hand in hers, making him jerk in surprise. She duly ignored it and pulled him towards Amber and her granddad. Through the shock, he recognized that Bree still had the ability to sync with what he was feeling and give him what he needed - silent encouragement. Then again, he mentally shrugged; Bree’s eagerness could also be attributed to her wanting to get this uncomfortable introduction over with.

  Their approach cut through Daniel and Amber’s absorption with each other. “Todd, nice to see you boy. Welcome,” Daniel boomed. He ruffled Amber’s hair eye’s twinkling appreciatively at her protests when her bangs got into her eyes.

  Todd took the hand that Daniel offered, glad of something familiar, and went through the ritual pleasantries. All the while, his eyes kept darting to Amber, she had eyes like his, and they stared at him unnervingly as she stood ramrod straight next to her mom.

  “I couldn’t wait to meet Amber,” Todd said aloud. He approached her cautiously and crouched so that they were level. “In fact," he said to all of them, “I’ve arranged things so that I have more time off during the school break, so that we can spend some time together. I also thought that I could help you get settled, Amber, Bree.”

  Todd went over to Amber and kneeled down like he would with a hurt animal he was rescuing from the wild, thinking that it would seem less threatening. He held out his hand, as a hug and kiss seemed a bit premature and looked at her directly, gently. “Hi Amber, I’m really happy to meet you.”

  When Amber continued to stare wordlessly at him, he felt the trickle of anxiety within him rapidly begin to grow. His time in the wild had taught him patience though, so he kept his gaze soft and steady as he mentally banked down his apprehension.

  “Daddy?” Amber’s voice quivered. “Are you my dad?”

  “Sure am.” Todd replied, taking her little hand in his big one, fighting the urge to sweep her into his arms. “I’m really sorry I’ve never had the opportunity to meet you before, but I promise you that if
it’s what you want, I’ll make it up to you, starting now. Would you like that?”

  Nodding shyly. Amber replied, “I’ve always wanted a daddy.” Tilting her head, she looked questioningly at him, “Mom said that I look like you.” With relief and a watery smile, he noted that Amber’s curiosity was winning the battle over other emotions she might be feeling.

  The first hurdle had been crossed, Todd thought. Fighting the urge to whoop in relief, he let his lips curve widely. He looked up at Bree who was trying, but failing miserably at wiping her tears discreetly. A tentative unit, the three of them stood alone in the quiet of the dining room. Daniel had quietly slipped away, leaving the three of them to move into their new life in privacy.

  “She’s right,” Todd, responded to Amber, “Do you want to see?” He held out his arms to her, praying that she’d come. When she did, he used the opportunity to put his face to her neck and breathe in her smell. And just like that, the bond was formed. The feeling to nurture and protect was overwhelming. Keeping things light so that he didn’t scare Amber, he approached the big decorative mirror that hung above the side-server. Her resemblance to him was even more startling as they looked into the mirror with her little face next to his.

  “Now, what do you think we have that’s the same?” Todd ventured, looking at Amber in the reflection.

  “I don’t have gold hair or blue eyes like mom,” Amber stated while thoughtfully examining their images in the mirror. “Mine are like yours.”

  “That’s right.” He risked it and kissed the top of her head, encouraged yet again, when she didn’t back away. He gently touched her pert little chin and then pointed to his own. “But you got your chin from your mom.”

  “Mom, can you come here please?” Amber called out, so that Bree could stand next to them and look in the mirror too. “I do get that from mom,” Amber agreed, fascinatedly. “So, I have something from both of you.” Amber’s tone was satisfied and her gaze content.